Tea time (on memories, pain and loss). I had not intended to use this poem for a while… But as I struggled to write this week, I came across this poem I had written a couple weeks ago titled Tea Time. And I cried reading it, just as I cried when I read it to my momma for the first time. But my reasons for crying were a bit different today.
Tea Time
By: A Ginger
It’s tea time momma whispered from the doorway
So I’ll meet her on the porch with a journal in hand
She’ll pour the tea and we’ll chat quietly
Like every other Wednesday tea
We must be on the porch for the babies are sleeping
It’s tea time I whisper as the memory fades
I sip my own tea remembering every gentle Wednesday
Around three, or maybe two, or one?
I can’t recall
But that teapot and those porch chairs held and heard
so much love from spring till fall
I may not make every Wednesday tea anymore
But you’ll still find my momma and me
Rocking those chairs for all they’re worth
Easing the worlds stresses and aches on her beautiful porch
And maybe someday we’ll have to sit on the porch for the babies are sleeping
And must not be awakened.
A loss
A friend of my momma just lost her eldest daughter, a daughter who was a wife and mother in her own right. A daughter who had seen great pain and great joy and was far from ready to leave us according to the world’s standards. It was sudden, with little time for preparation given. Heartbreakingly, I imagine some of her childhood friends will only find out in waves as time goes on and she just isn’t here. As she doesn’t arrive to an alumni game or a wedding or baby shower.
To us, though we may theoretically understand that she is gone and somewhere along the line there is a reason for that, we don’t even want to imagine what could possibly be timely or good about her leaving. The pain left in the wake of her loss is great. And my mind has been reeling. I may not have been close to this sweet girl, but I deeply love many who were. And my heart aches for them.
On Tea Time (why memories, pain and loss)
I wrote this poem (of course) for the memories, but also for the possibilities. For the memories, momma and I truly did drink tea and discuss memories, pain and loss on the porch during Wednesday nap time. And the possibilities, I have lived my life with the understanding that waking up to my mother gone from this world is a very real possibility. She has fought (and continues to fight) several health battles. And I was also exposed to death at a fairly young age as my momma stepped into a part time caretaker role for many ill relatives and grieved as she lost her own friends.
Regardless of this I have chosen to live my life with the confident expectation that my momma will continue to thrive and will live to see my siblings and I marry and become parents. My mother will be the first to remind me that she’s nearly as likely to lose her life to something entirely unrelated to her health. Because unfortunately, in this dark world, death often happens when we least expect it.
Writing Tea Time to remember (even the pain and loss)
So I cried as I wrote and as I read to my mother, because both fear and hope were pouring out of my pen. And my momma cried because she understood what lay between the lines.
Quite honestly, though I understand the reality of my parents and grandparents leaving someday, and that it will likely feel too soon regardless of when it occurs. the possibility of me leaving my mother behind, had not occurred to me. Even after my older brother nearly lost his life as a senior in high school, and though I’ve seen my younger brother struggle to take a breath, it still does not compute.
Therefore the reason behind my tears has flipped a bit. In a way, I know that as horrific as it would be, I am a bit prepared for losing someone close to me. But I had not thought about those close to me losing someone close to them. Does this even make sense?
On grieving
I distinctly remember telling my grandma several years ago, I think while my brother was in the hospital, “you know and acknowledge that awful things happen, and you pray and grieve for those around you. But you never really think that it could happen to you.”
There is no recipe for grieving, no solution, and it is not possible to simply skip it. Every individual experiences grief differently. I imagine there isn’t a word I could say or write that could ease the pain of those who are grieving, because grief, takes it’s own path. I pray that those grieving are able to seek hope and assurance in the promises of scripture. In the promise that those who have invited in and loved Christ will meet again someday.
While I may not be able to ease the pain, I can write to everyone else. Please I beg of you do not take anyone in your life for granted. Have your own tea time, contemplate memories, pain and loss! Pretend you haven’t heard this supposedly cliche phrase before! Don’t let the moment you understand the concept that there is no promise of tomorrow be when there is no tomorrow between you and someone you love. Take today for every second you are given.
Take this from a girl who lost precious time because she didn’t get the message placed in front of her face in the image of a boy in a hospital bed. I’m trying to take each day as it comes, both hard and good. To answer each phone call, no matter how siblings have called or how many times each has called. I work to schedule in rest time so I am healthy and able to love with everything in me.
You turn for tea time
To bring my favorite quote back for a moment. C.S.Lewis said “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” From what I know of this world, you will see and experience pain and grief no matter what you choose to do. Wouldn’t you rather be deeply in love with people and beauty and life and have something to remember when the pain comes?
In honor of this woman, her husband wrote, “We have lost a battle today, but the war is already won. See you again so soon.” This is what hope looks like! Stop being so afraid of the evil and dark around you that you do not choose to live. I challenge you to live with me! To laugh when it rains for rain is a gift not something to dread. I am going to choose to create memories strong and gentle enough to hold the test of time and pain. I plan to have something beautiful to know and remember, because really that is the only plan of mine that cannot be tampered with.
That is all for today my lovely people! As always, take the collaboration between my rambling mind and my restless fingers as you will. Until the next tea time!
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